Busted

It finally happened. The TSA Enemy finally had their way with the Road Warrior. It happened back in early November, but it’s been too painful (and a tad embarrassing) to blog about. The scene of the incident: RIC; Terminal B; TSA line on the right. It was a Thursday. Around 5pm. I was on the 5:50pm from RIC to LGA. The security line was long. I know this because I counted. Forty-nine people ahead of Jammahs. And there was one line. It took about 35 minutes to get towards showing my ID and boarding pass. The TSA checker was making small talk. For example, “New York, NY, the Big Apple—do you go to Broadway shows often? Are you a Yankee fan?” (My answers: No. Yes.)

It was finally my turn. I sped through my usual TSA maneuvers. Two bins, laptop in one, shoes on bottom of other, the jacket, laptop bag on top of jacket, purse in laptop bag, Briggs & Riley behind second bind. That way, I come out and I can grab my laptop, shoes and handle B&R last.

As usual, I cleared the metal detector. Not that I ever worry that I won’t. No change in my pockets. No belt. No random ass metal object. I’m always amazed at what comes out of some Travel Rookie’s pockets.

I grabbed my laptop. I put the laptop into the laptop bag; took the purse out; slipped on my shoes and grabbed my jacket. I started to reach for B&R when I heard the dreaded: Baaaaggggg Cccchhhheeeecccckkkk!

Shizzle.

The TSA checker opened up my bag and grabbed for my toiletry bag. She unzipped it only to reveal about 12 small containers of liquids.

Enemy: Ma’am, are you aware that you are only allowed to have liquids that fit into a small plastic zip lock bag?

Jammahs: Yes, I am.

Enemy: Then, you need to put these all into a plastic bag or we will have to throw these out.

Jammahs: That’s fine. I’ll put them into a plastic bag. Do you have one?

Enemy: No, but you can exit the security area and purchase a plastic bag at Hudson News.

Jammahs: Uh, but I’ll miss my flight. I’ve already waited on line for 35 minutes. That’s not an option.

Enemy: Then you’ll have to throw some out.

Jammahs: GASP! But, I’m checking plane side. The bag won’t even be in the cabin….

Jammahs inside voice: Amazing that for years at LGA, JFK and EWR (and all other airports outside of the Tri-State), I have never once used a plastic bag. I thought that plastic bag rule was for Travel Rookies who TRY to be like Road Warriors—not like the Travel Rookies who don’t have a clue. In NYC, we have bigger things to worry about than a little B&B prep spray and Mario moisturizer with SPF 15.

Enemy: I will not let you through with all of these liquids.

Jammahs: Ok, fine. I will look through and see which liquids have the least amount in it and then throw those out….ok, take my B&B sculpting gel. Is that enough?

Enemy: No. You need to throw out more. ..This has to go. It’s way too big.

Jammahs: But, there’s only a tiny bit left….ok, take that. And, take these other containers also.

Toss.

Jammahs inside voice: Goodbye Kiehl’s Vanilla scented moisturizer.

Since that dreadful Travel Day Thursday, I have been packing my minimal amount of liquids in a plastic bag. Sort of ironic, my Travel Rookie Sister gave me the plastic bag. At RIC, I obediently take out the plastic bag and place it in the bin with my laptop. But, at LGA and JFK, I keep the plastic bag inside B&R. I’m never stopped. And, ya know what, I don’t think that I ever will be.