Travel Karma
Since my previous memoirs, you’re probably wondering how my Travel Karma is holding up with my next four flights, two airports, two rental cars, three hotel rooms and two airlines. Jammahs is happy to report that the cosmic travel karma powers, surprisingly, are strong and steady. Well, that’s not entirely true—there have been a few blips where I retreat back to my usual cursed Travel Karma state, but then it bounces right back. I just keep waiting for long flight delays due to the toilet overflowing, the mid-size Avis rental with faulty transmission, the Gate Agent snickering as she says that there’s just no way that she can let you onto your connection flight, a room with a Murphy bed over the dumpster, extreme turbulence, extreme Talkers, extreme number of crying babies on the flight (all of which has happened to this Road Warrior).
Check it out:
Flight #2:
Southwest Open Seating for long flights stresses me out. I’m just used to sitting in Exit Row Window. Any type of Regular Row just cramps my style—literally. Jammahs has some long, long legs. I haven’t been on SWA for about a year and thought that the midnight check-in policy still was in effect and so, while all the other Crazy Plane Girls and Boys checked in 24-hours in advance, I checked-in at midnight and got a B boarding category. B for Better seats are available. B for Beware you may get a bad seat. B for bullshit.
Talker started his talking as we were in the B boarding lane. He was in front of me. I was behind him. He talked the entire way on the walk down the jet bridge, and then the walk down the aisle. He finally stopped talking as he threw his bag on the last Exit Row Window seat. I gave it a shot and said, “Ohhh, you took my seat.” He gave it to me. Just like that. Gave me the best seat on the entire plane—the Exit Row Window seat without a seat in front of mine. Endless leg room. Leg room to two rows in front of mine. Leg room to China. He was a stage four Talker, but with my prime seat, I really didn’t care. Making some small talk about restaurants in Union Square was well worth the sacrifice.
The flight landed on-time and my two checked bags were one of the first out on the carousel. I smiled and said a little, “thank you, sweet Jesus” to myself. Just saying that makes me giggle. I piled up my two checked bags and my two carry-ons and as I walked to the Avis counter, I wondered from which reality-TV cast member I picked up the little catch phrase “thank you, sweet Jesus”. Maybe Jesus was responsible for my new travel karma?
Car Rental #2:
I got to Avis and my name was on the board. The car was in the spot. Things were good. Or were they?
The car was a bright yellow/orange two-door Mustang. Bright, bright yellow/orange. This wasn’t going to work—something is just wrong about driving a bright yellow Mustang in the right lane. I then thought, “fabulous, this is going to be such a bitch to change cars…” I walked over to the Avis hut and, to my surprise, there wasn’t a line. The Avis Manager gladly helped me. He quickly switched me to a brown Pontiac Grand Am. At the same rate. The change was so simple. And at Avis? What was going on?
Hotel #2:
Check-in was a seamless process. I’ve heard that it’s supposed to be this way. I was assigned a double bed-room, which is what I had requested. With a view of the water. And, MTV. And, chocolates on my pillow. And, slippers by the bed. And, breakfast tickets. And, absolutely silence. I felt instantly relaxed. I love Conrad. Post-MLWTCO, if I ever have a son or a dog or even a plant, I may definitely have to incorporate Conrad into the name.
Plane #3:
When my Travel Karma is on a downswing, I usually start out Travel Day Monday by thinking that it’s a new, clean slate for the week ahead. So, the same should hold true in a vice-versa situation. Last week worked out so well, I just sort of figured that this week was going to be a disaster. I approached the SWA TSA line and thought, oh yeah, the Karma is crashing down. Right. Now.
I peeked around the corner and thought that the line was just unfair. It was like the line at Space Mountain. Or, the Tea Cups. It zig-zagged around like twelve hundred times. The line literally went on the moving walkway (that was sort of funny). I got on the end of the line and had forty minutes until take-off. The line was about forty minutes long. And, naturally, I got stopped for extra screening as I didn’t take my liquids out of my bag. I started to say, at LGA, they never make you take your liquids out (which holds true to my theory that LGA has the biggest slackers of all of TSA), but then I just thought, be quiet, it’s not worth it. They examined my small bottles of B&B Prep, MB Seaweed Cleanser and MB Aloe SPF 30 Moisturizer for explosive materials, deemed it safe, and I ran to the gate—we’re talking super long strides, not just a little shuffle.
It was like the miracle of all miracles as I got there just as the A group was boarding. Yes, I was an A. A for Amazing. A for Awesome. A for Absolutely worth checking in online early. I chose the first row on the plane--Bulk Head Window. No one sat in Bulk Head Middle. There was a baby crying a few Regular Rows behind me, but then she just stopped. The Talker in Bulk Head Aisle went to sleep. I was in my own corner of the plane—a private sanctuary, a safe haven, a little oasis in the sky—alone with my laptop, diet coke, rays of sunshine, puffy marshmallow clouds and the calming piano melody of Vienna by The Fray on repeat. With MLWTCO going so well, it makes me wonder if this is how LWTCO is for other Road Warriors? With things working out well, I just kept repeating, don’t jinx yourself, Jammahs. Don’t jinx yourself.
Check it out:
Flight #2:
Southwest Open Seating for long flights stresses me out. I’m just used to sitting in Exit Row Window. Any type of Regular Row just cramps my style—literally. Jammahs has some long, long legs. I haven’t been on SWA for about a year and thought that the midnight check-in policy still was in effect and so, while all the other Crazy Plane Girls and Boys checked in 24-hours in advance, I checked-in at midnight and got a B boarding category. B for Better seats are available. B for Beware you may get a bad seat. B for bullshit.
Talker started his talking as we were in the B boarding lane. He was in front of me. I was behind him. He talked the entire way on the walk down the jet bridge, and then the walk down the aisle. He finally stopped talking as he threw his bag on the last Exit Row Window seat. I gave it a shot and said, “Ohhh, you took my seat.” He gave it to me. Just like that. Gave me the best seat on the entire plane—the Exit Row Window seat without a seat in front of mine. Endless leg room. Leg room to two rows in front of mine. Leg room to China. He was a stage four Talker, but with my prime seat, I really didn’t care. Making some small talk about restaurants in Union Square was well worth the sacrifice.
The flight landed on-time and my two checked bags were one of the first out on the carousel. I smiled and said a little, “thank you, sweet Jesus” to myself. Just saying that makes me giggle. I piled up my two checked bags and my two carry-ons and as I walked to the Avis counter, I wondered from which reality-TV cast member I picked up the little catch phrase “thank you, sweet Jesus”. Maybe Jesus was responsible for my new travel karma?
Car Rental #2:
I got to Avis and my name was on the board. The car was in the spot. Things were good. Or were they?
The car was a bright yellow/orange two-door Mustang. Bright, bright yellow/orange. This wasn’t going to work—something is just wrong about driving a bright yellow Mustang in the right lane. I then thought, “fabulous, this is going to be such a bitch to change cars…” I walked over to the Avis hut and, to my surprise, there wasn’t a line. The Avis Manager gladly helped me. He quickly switched me to a brown Pontiac Grand Am. At the same rate. The change was so simple. And at Avis? What was going on?
Hotel #2:
Check-in was a seamless process. I’ve heard that it’s supposed to be this way. I was assigned a double bed-room, which is what I had requested. With a view of the water. And, MTV. And, chocolates on my pillow. And, slippers by the bed. And, breakfast tickets. And, absolutely silence. I felt instantly relaxed. I love Conrad. Post-MLWTCO, if I ever have a son or a dog or even a plant, I may definitely have to incorporate Conrad into the name.
Plane #3:
When my Travel Karma is on a downswing, I usually start out Travel Day Monday by thinking that it’s a new, clean slate for the week ahead. So, the same should hold true in a vice-versa situation. Last week worked out so well, I just sort of figured that this week was going to be a disaster. I approached the SWA TSA line and thought, oh yeah, the Karma is crashing down. Right. Now.
I peeked around the corner and thought that the line was just unfair. It was like the line at Space Mountain. Or, the Tea Cups. It zig-zagged around like twelve hundred times. The line literally went on the moving walkway (that was sort of funny). I got on the end of the line and had forty minutes until take-off. The line was about forty minutes long. And, naturally, I got stopped for extra screening as I didn’t take my liquids out of my bag. I started to say, at LGA, they never make you take your liquids out (which holds true to my theory that LGA has the biggest slackers of all of TSA), but then I just thought, be quiet, it’s not worth it. They examined my small bottles of B&B Prep, MB Seaweed Cleanser and MB Aloe SPF 30 Moisturizer for explosive materials, deemed it safe, and I ran to the gate—we’re talking super long strides, not just a little shuffle.
It was like the miracle of all miracles as I got there just as the A group was boarding. Yes, I was an A. A for Amazing. A for Awesome. A for Absolutely worth checking in online early. I chose the first row on the plane--Bulk Head Window. No one sat in Bulk Head Middle. There was a baby crying a few Regular Rows behind me, but then she just stopped. The Talker in Bulk Head Aisle went to sleep. I was in my own corner of the plane—a private sanctuary, a safe haven, a little oasis in the sky—alone with my laptop, diet coke, rays of sunshine, puffy marshmallow clouds and the calming piano melody of Vienna by The Fray on repeat. With MLWTCO going so well, it makes me wonder if this is how LWTCO is for other Road Warriors? With things working out well, I just kept repeating, don’t jinx yourself, Jammahs. Don’t jinx yourself.
posted by Jammahs at 6:07 PM
1 Comments:
Yes, careful not to jinx yourself there, though it really sounds like a great string. I try to fly SWA as little as possible, though being based in So Cal, its sometimes the only reasonable way to get somewhere.
Last week I was dreading my trip. I flew into STL and drove 180 (each way) into KY. The sad part about this, is the opportunity for my co might be good enough that Ill probably do it again. The highlight was having the opportunity to drive through...wait for it...Metropolis, IL; home of The Planet newspaper, and a statue of Superman himself. Well worth the drive!
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